When You're Gone
by Xero-zerO
Summary: These moments... no matter how beautiful they are when you have them... they're evil when they're gone. Rated for suicide and milid Psycosis.


**A/N: He he he... I'm writing this when I'm supposed to be doing a new chapter to Let Go... but I couldn't resist this, I'm just feeling too emo. Hope you like it.**

**WARNING: Suicide, angst, and very depressing material ahead, also mentions of Yaoi. Don't read if you have a weak heart and don't like to cry.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything other than the plot.**

**When you're gone...**

It was snowing. I remember that. I remember that I had forgotten my coat, and you loaned me yours. I remember how big it was on me, how it smelled of Axe and cigarette smoke. I remember how you pulled me close, how you held me tight. I remember the smile that touched your eyes as you led me to our secret place, the place where nothing could touch us, where no one could bother us. It was where we first met all those years ago.

_I remember..._

I remember how you led me up those stairs, your hand so warm in mine. I remember how my heart raced when we reached the top to look over the city. I remember the color of the sky when the sun was setting that day. It has never been more beautiful. I don't think it ever could be as beautiful. I remember how you hugged yourself to keep the cold away, but refused to take the coat back. Looking back, I should have made you.

_I remember..._

I remember how we sat there, watching the sun disappear on the horizon. I remember the smile that was on my face, the feeling in my chest, the warmth that you were emitting. I remember how you pulled me close, how you rested your head on mine, watching as the last of the light disappeared. I even remember the words we shared. I remember how you said them, so your voice was filled with love. I remember how you pulled me off the ledge to stand with you. I remember how you got on one knee and asked me to be yours forever.

_I remember..._

I remember the tears that escaped from me and slid down my cheeks as you pulled my hand to you. I remember your fingers shaking as you slid the ring onto my finger. I remember the loving look in your eyes as you stood up, pulling me into a kiss. I remember you picking me up and spinning me around. I remember the laughter and tears of joy we shared. I remember walking back down those stairs, holding your hand as we walked back into the cold winter night.

_I... I remember..._

I remember that when we got home, you stoked the fireplace, pulling me down next to you to sit in front of it. I remember how you held me in your strong arms. I remember how your arms always made me feel protected, how they always made me feel warm, needed, _loved..._ I remember how you promised never to let me go. How you promised to be by my side forever. I remember how my heart fluttered every time you said those words. I remember how you would kiss me every time afterwards.

_I... I... I remember..._

I remember how we spent hours planning on how our big day was going to go. I remember figuring out both sets of grooms men. I remember that you picked Reno, your brother, to be your best man, while I picked Cloud, my oldest brother to be mine. I remember your three grooms men were Demyx, Zexion, and Marluxia, while mine were Sora, Hayner, and Pence. I remember how happy everyone was for us. They always told us how happy they were.

_I remember... Why?_

I remember how the day was coming up fast. I remember it was only a week away. I remember how warm it had gotten. Spring had come around in full bloom. I remember how beautiful it was. I remember feeling like all the beauty was there just for us. I remember how you laughed when I said that. I remember you kissing my nose, telling me how much you loved me. I remember telling you how I felt back.

_I remember... Why don't...?_

I remember how the day before, you and I went out to celebrate. I remember that we went to our secret place, just the two of us. I remember thinking the tower was empty when we got there. I remember us sitting there, holding hands and watching the sunset. I remember thinking I heard footsteps, but brushing it off as my imagination. I remember sneaking a look at you out of the corner of my eye. I remember the smile you had on your face. I remember how it made me feel like I could fly; knowing that that smile was there because of me. It was there for me and for me alone.

_I remember... Why don't they?_

I remember feeling your hand slip out of mine. I remember the surprised scream that you emitted as you fell. I remember reaching out to you, willing to jump to be with you, but a strong hand was holding me back. I remember the tears that fell as I watched you go. I remember struggling with the man that held me. I remember how he looked so much like you. I remember him pulling me away. I remember him putting me in a car, driving away from the tower. I remember how I couldn't stop screaming. I remember the pain.

_Why am I the only one who remembers?_

XxX

"How's he doing today, Reno?" Cloud asked, looking through the little slot in the door at his brother. Reno sighed, placing a hand on Cloud's shoulder.

"Not good, yo. He still thinks it all happened." Reno sent a sad glance at the door. His brother had died three years ago. He had just brought Roxas in a week ago.

"I can't believe this went on for three years... I can't believe it. How could I not have noticed it?" Cloud asked himself, looking away from the door, choosing to look at his friend instead.

"I'm sorry Cloud. I can't believe I didn't notice it either." Reno replied, leading his friend back outside to the car.

XxX

"Axel... Axel... I remember." Roxas repeated to himself, hugging his knees to his chest. He was rocking slowly back and forth. It was dark, so it must be dark outside. Why wouldn't they tell him anything about Axel? Had he died? Of course he had... no one could survive a fall like that. Roxas rocked himself faster, hugging his knees closer to himself. His eyes were wide, the pupils like pin pricks. He needed his Axel. He needed to feel those warm hands on him again.

"_Roxas..."_

Roxas jumped, yelling out in shock. He looked around the room He knew exactly who that had been.

"Axel?" Roxas asked weakly. He, eventually, found his way to the mirror. He looked at himself in it. He jumped when he saw a familiar redhead behind him in the reflection. Axel walked closer to him, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"_Break the mirror... we can be together if you listen to what I say..."_

The voice sounded far off, but Roxas could feel the warm breath on his neck and ear. He gazes at his reflection, rearing back to punch the mirror with all his might. The glass went flying everywhere. Roxas felt blood slide down his arm from his knuckle, but he couldn't feel any pain. He was waiting to hear that voice again.

"_Pick up a piece of the glass, Roxas, my love... My everything..."_

Roxas nodded, Smiling as he picked a long shard up. He looked at his own reflection in the glass, seeing the redhead in it.

"_Plunge it into your heart Roxas... then we can be together forever..."_

Axel called again. Roxas nodded slowly. He extended his arm out, looking up as he did. He closed his eyes, feeling at peace. He smiled, using all his strength to plunge the shard into his chest. He felt great pain; he fell to the side, feeling everything growing cold. As the coldness crept up on him, a vague outline slowly became cleared. Roxas smiled at the redhead, trying to push himself up. He couldn't get his limbs to move.

"_Roxas!"_

A voice called urgently. Roxas watched as the redhead rushed over to him, his eyes wide with worry. Roxas smiled up at him, feeling his vision blur.

XxX

"Roxas! Roxas!" Reno was kneeling over the blond, trying to stop the bleeding. He knew as a doctor that the small blond was gone. He felt tears role down his cheeks as the monitors let out a low beep that continued for about fifteen seconds before someone turned them off.

"Why Roxas?" Reno asked softly, falling to his knees next to the bed. He was shaking, his eyes wide with the memory of how peaceful Roxas' face had been just before he died. He was smiling, his eyes regaining some of their lost sparked before they were permanently dulled.

Reno clutched at his hair, screaming.

~three weeks later~

"Reno... I brought them." Cloud called, carrying two urns with him. Reno turned around and smiled, holding onto a large brown sack full of photos of the two Cloud and he had lost.

"All right. Everything's ready." Reno gestured to the small oil drum that stood next to them. Reno dumped the bag into it, looking over at Cloud.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Are there any pictures you want to keep?"

"No... You?" Reno shook his head, pulling out a match. He struck it, dropping it in the drum, watching the photos of the two burn. After ten minutes, the fire died down, leaving nothing but ash. Cloud walked over to him, handing him the red urn. They both pulled off the lids, dumping the ashes into the drum.

"Ready?" Reno asked. Looking at Cloud.

"Ready." Cloud replied. He and Reno picked up the drum, overturning it into the small lifeless pond. That's how Reno and Cloud knew that the two wanted to go. Fire for Axel, water for Roxas. They put the drum back on the sandy shore, and looked over the glassy surface.

"No matter how precious the moments we shared with them are..." Cloud started, looking over at Reno.

"They're evil when they're gone." Reno finished for his boyfriend. They sat on the beach to the pond, watching as the sun set over the shrubbery.

**A/N: So? How was it? Did you love it? Please review! I'll never know how you felt if you don't review! I know, I cried when I was writing this. Hope you all got the same e****motional ****reaction**** as I did!**

**Karina:**** Seriously, F**ked up. That was… Well written at least.**


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